Disorganized Attachment Style

A disorganized attachment style is a combination of avoiding your partner and being afraid of losing your partner in your relationship. What is more confusing about this attachment style is that they push their partner away from them without realizing how much they are hurting their partner. Whether they are in a serious relationship or dating their partner for many years, the person with the disorganized attachment style thinks of himself or herself as not worthy of their partner’s love. He or she may have low self-esteem or experienced abuse, neglect, or a lack of physical contact with their previous partners. Despite this, a person who avoids their partner because of fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved back, or other fears prevent them from being in a stable relationship.

From the partner’s perspective, this leaves them with mixed signals as they do not know how to approach this subject with them. Usually, a partner in this type of relationship is left confused, hurt, and not desirable enough for them to be loved back. While the person with the disorganized attachment style feels their partner makes them more anxious, depressed, and not good enough for them. Yet, this type of attachment style does not prevent them to give their partner a romantic experience with them because they crave a deep connection with them. After having sexual intimacy with their partner, they will get up and go.

It is possible to be in a committed relationship with someone with a disorganized attachment style. However, it takes time for them to feel safe, and comfortable, and to trust their partner. Moreover, it is recommended to go to therapy to work on changing the person’s behaviors that provoke them to shove their partner away. Communication and boundaries are important as well as working on your self-esteem for yourself and your partner. Learn to listen to your partner with patience, and kindness, and not to put labels on your mind while you are listening to them.

Forgive your partner and let them know you are there for them. Do not give up on your partner because of their varied mood changes or their need of wanting to be alone without you. Although you may feel this type of relationship is uncontrollable, your partner can work on their self-awareness, self-love, self-esteem, and techniques for managing their emotions. Learning how to do self-care and techniques to calm down through mindfulness, journalling, meditation, and other healthy activities to work on the mixed emotions that arise throughout the relationship. Carefully communicate with your partner and make them feel comfortable with you.

Practice self-acceptance and self-worth through positive affirmations, meditation, and with loving-kindness, and other recommendations from their therapist. A disorganized attachment style may become worse when they select a backup partner because of feeling insecure and lacking trust. Furthermore, these insecurities make them feel impulsive and do things out of impulse. Do not attempt to help your partner without professional therapy, counseling, and behavioral services. Below are links about disorganized attachment style.

 

The Forgotten Attachment Style-Disorganized Attachment-Psychology Today:

The Forgotten Attachment Style: Disorganized Attachment | Psychology Today

Disorganized attachment style:

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a40079652/disorganized-attachment-style/

50 Dating with Disorganized Attachment:

https://www.karolinawalsh.com/blog/2020/1/6/050-dating-with-disorganized-attachment 

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