Insecure Attachment Style

An anxious attachment style is one type of attachment style that makes the person feel insecure. This type of attachment style is common during your first boyfriend or girlfriend relationship. It can occur at a young age when you are a teenager or when you are a young adult. An insecure attachment style varies depending on your age. Yet, having insecurities can happen anytime whether you are in a relationship or not. 

Some partners have a hard time dealing with an insecure attachment style because they are not aware of their insecurities. They do not notice their insecurities especially if they have a higher level of self-esteem. But this can also occur when the anxious partner hides their insecurities. An anxious person may have a nervous habit of doing things in the relationship. Most of the time the nervous habit is seen through body language.

Sometimes the anxious partner will shake one of their legs, touch their hair too much, tap one finger on the table, and drink too much water. Other times an anxious person with an insecure attachment style is afraid of getting close to their partner. Although they want to get closer to their partner to show affection, constant fears of being rejected make them be away from their partner. When they are away from their partner, they worry if they are being cheated on, if they are not being loved, or if they can continue with their relationship. Yet, they may seem to be jealous of their partner. 

Their partner might feel they are obsessed with them and get too attached to them. Anxiety, past childhood experiences, and other issues can make them feel dependent on their partners. Yet, this does not always occur in this type of relationship. On the contrary, an insecure attachment style makes the relationship to be unpredictable and with a lack of trust. The anxiety builds up more when the relationship gets more enthusiastic and with a serious commitment. 

Additionally, their partner might view their relationship as being ignored and nonexistent. It is crucial to create trust and to support your partner with an insecure attachment style. They may be full of worry, hurt, and feel disappointment. An insecure attachment style begins with too much childhood neglect, phobias, rejections, separation from parents, abuse, divorce from parents, and other childhood trauma. Unresolved childhood issues and past experiences from relationships make it difficult to keep a relationship. 

As well as having anxiety due to a lack of socializing or being conditioned to be silent as a child is damaging for a person to keep a relationship. But a person with this attachment style may be depressed and anxious because of a medical condition. There are many reasons to be anxious in a relationship, especially if low self-esteem is the main factor. An anxious person does not always communicate everything to their partner. They may feel it is not significant, worthless, or a waste of time to have an emotional conversation. 

Furthermore, anxiety can make a person feel unworthy and seek approval from their partner. The anxious person can be shy, too vulnerable, and may disregard their partner's feelings. Other times they may act devious to be with their partner. But they can also be naive. Therefore, this relationship requires patience and comprehension.

 

Do not give up on keeping this type of relationship. Occasionally an insecure relationship can become a secure relationship. Work on trust, and communication, and learn to listen to your partner. Do not let relatives, friends, or anyone change your mind about staying in the relationship. Depending on the level of anxiety, the person's personality, and the person's attitude; They can work on their self-esteem and open up to their partner gradually in meaningful conversations. 

It is natural to feel anxious at the beginning of a relationship and the beginning of a serious relationship. However, it is not a good idea to hide your feelings from your partner. If your partner cares enough, they will have an open mind to hear your anxious thoughts. Moreover, childhood and past relationship issues need to be solved with a professional therapist and a psychologist. Here are resources about an insecure attachment style. 

Anxious Attachment Style-Symptoms and How to Cope-Very Well Health:

Anxious Attachment Style: Symptoms and How to Cope (verywellhealth.com)

Anxious Attachment Style-What it Looks Like in Adult Relationships-Psych Central:

Anxious Attachment Style: What It Looks Like in Adult Relationships (psychcentral.com)

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