Floodlighting & Relationship Tips
Revealing too many details of one’s personal life in a relationship can often make someone feel distant and uncomfortable. Also, rejection and making conclusions about a person’s personality without getting to know them for their abilities, interests, and other unique attributes can cause conflict. Floodlighting can occur in the beginning of a relationship because of choosing to disclose one’s feelings, traumatic events, and oversharing details of past relationships. Nonetheless, feeling vulnerable early in the relationship can also make one feel that one’s partner must share personal information from their past relationships, traumas, and their feelings. Yet, floodlighting might feel harmless to the person that is oversharing the information; It might be harmless because of the desire to be accepted, the desire to be vulnerable, and the desire to trust automatically in the relationship.
However, depending on the person that you are dating, floodlighting can be damaging in the relationship because it can build expectations, comparisons, confusion, and a wrong perception of your partner. Therefore, floodlighting can be too much information for the person that you are dating. There is nothing wrong in oversharing individual experiences in the relationship if both partners are ready to share this information. Nevertheless, make sure that your partner is ready to listen to you and wait at least ten or twelve months to date the same person. Being vulnerable is a great aspect in a relationship; But one needs to be aware of what one says in the conversations without rushing to tell them everything at once.
Also, having emotional safety in the relationship takes time. Practice self-awareness, self-worth, and managing your emotions besides not speeding up the relationship with too much information. Slowing down to develop trust, safety, and other aspects of the relationship can make you feel vulnerable in a healthy relationship. Practice mindfulness when you listen and before communicating with your date. Additionally, have boundaries when you are dating.
Floodlighting is also harmful for your relationship because it can feel more stressful for you and your date. It makes your date feel silent and the silence might make both of you uncomfortable. To avoid floodlighting, one must be aware, observant, and create a non-judgmental perception of the person you are dating. Also, not forcing them to tell you everything with too many open-ended questions that obligates them to explain everything. It might feel challenging to have an open communication with your dating partner; Yet, developing a healthy relationship includes some vulnerability without leaving your date speechless.
Every relationship moves forward at its pace and does not necessarily move backwards. However, when there is floodlighting, your date might take a step back and not move forward in the relationship. This builds distrust and disconnecting oneself from the relationship. Other times your date might want to have an on and off relationship because of too much oversharing about oneself. As well as making the relationship feel one-sided.
To have an open communication with your partner, one must have patience, understanding, and be respectful without feeling pressured to say too much during the first date. Second, constantly questioning your date to get detailed information about them to avoid silent moments in the conversation is not recommended. It can be too much curiosity, excessive overthinking, or excessive excitement that can make one have the desire to overshare information during the conversations. Keep in mind that your date does not want to share everything about themselves and can find themselves feeling questioned throughout their dating experiences.
It is necessary to maintain your conversations on general topics and not rush into intimate discussions about one's past relationships, past experiences, and one’s fears. Although you might feel comfortable in oversharing, be cautious about your date's body language and their conversation cues. Do not expect them to continue listening and to continue answering every question with detailed information about yourself. Last, give your partner time to develop trust, safety, and reliability. Reliability in a relationship is necessary for having trust and for communicating better. Seek professional counseling if you do overshare about yourself.
Moreover, to have reliability in your relationship, reflect on how your date makes you feel when they speak to you and reflect on their actions. Reliability does strengthen your relationship, but it has to be developed gradually. Yet, floodlighting creates more difficulty in the relationship and makes you or your date jump into transparency without developing trust at the beginning of the relationship. Nonetheless, without developing trust in the relationship, it can cause more conflicts because of doubts, fears, and feeling disappointed with your dating experiences. Here are websites about floodlighting and how to avoid it.
What is Emotional Flooding in Relationships & How to Deal:
What Is Emotional Flooding in Relationships & How to Deal
How I'm Learning to Stop " Floodlighting" in My Relationships, and How You Can Too-The Good Men Project:
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